homie house press summer 2021 Internship

Definition of anti-nationalist: anti-devoted to a nation. 

I was born in Suzhou, China, and have been studying abroad on my own in the U.S. since the age of 12. There are times I wish the concept of borderline doesn’t exist between countries. And the other times, I question my intention of belief, and think everything might just exist for a reason, these are things I can’t control, and there are things I’m able to. Leaving childhood household/home at (now looking back) a very young age, the images of parents and blood families are relevantly ambiguous in my memory. I visit home sometimes, once every year or every two years. Good interactions are more well kept than other emotions, as every time I think about them, more comes with nostalgia than the urgency to share common realities. Without knowing, I’ve been prioritizing friendships and friends more than most things in life since a while after being on my own. Friends become a first form of resource to seek help, talk about things, celebrate, have fun, spend time with. Especially when I was younger, I aimed to make friends without talking about living values, political views, social concepts, instead focusing more on caring and loving. And these friendships stay until today, even as people change, ideas shift, we grow out to be completely different people, we’ve learned to tolerate/care for/love each other without explaining much. Road-Tripping down south to Lafayette, Louisiana, I realized I was basically raised by a multi-dimensional collective household system, without it having a physical form. I lived constantly with a few people of the same age group of friends, staff who worked in my boarding school, freelance artists...who they are doesn't matter that much in the end, as they all become homes to come back to anytime. Building this kind of comfortable level takes time, as becoming part of others’ life takes more than just time. With time, as taking food from their fridges or cabinets becomes easier, the images of home become a combination of vivid memories, more than just in Suzhou. I’m lucky enough to have these places to feel completely safe and comfortable in the United States, where I self-built my connections from scratch, and because of these connections, the U.S. never quite sounds like a foreign country. 

Coming from a traditionally conceptual family-oriented community based society (Suzhou, China) where almost everything needs a definition, my parents are open enough for their age group to slowly open to new concepts and things I introduced them to. Part of being a family is also about understanding and growing together, by now, they have slowly come to understand my sexuality and my understanding of relationships with people. Throughout conflicting, growing, and understanding, family bonds (with or without blood relations) are stronger. Blood relations are what society defines as important, but jumping outside of the box, saying understanding and love between friends are equally important, is a big move to challenge social concepts, especially in a strong family based society. Growing up comparing myself with the other Asian kids I’m close to, I often felt guilty for not often prioritizing family. It takes time to know now that every family is different, and my parents being possibly the most progressive Chinese parents I’ve known so far, taught me about individualism from a young age. Embracing love and respecting individual uniqueness starting with seeing how different we all are from each other. The platonic friendships in my life are foundations of learning what love is and how to care about another person. Sometimes it’s good to keep things the way they are, and not to think within social concepts. What is this, what is it supposed to be, is it platonic or not? These questions are just as defining a line between who’s family or not. Black and white don’t usually exist as much in reality as they do in math problems, half of the time, we might just be living in the grey area. If to say blood relations are the only families society defines, I’d argue against it. The people I choose to live with throughout middle school and high school do not share blood relation with me, however, I’ve always considered them as family as they all are dear to my heart. Above are all subjectivities and the most personal experiences one could express. To conclude in the most objective (as homie ethics suggests), simply loving could be the answer to them all.